On The Road - A Personal Post

Some of you may know that I am part of Orthodox Christian Network. I am the Development Director for this SCOBA agency, and we are traveling to Nashville, TN tomorrow to represent the ministry at the GOA Clergy/Laity Congress to be held there July 16th through the 21st.

My wife, Connie, and I will be going first the Greenville, SC so I can drop her off at her dad's house. She's 29 weeks pregnant and I didn't want her to be by herself while I'm away on business. Plus she wants to attend a baby shower her relatives are having for her there.

After the Congress, we will visit my home town of Atlanta. While there I hope to visit with my godsons and some other dear friends and family members. I will also have an important meeting with His Eminence, Metropolitan ALEXIOS, about my future in ministry in the Orthodox Church. Your prayers for this meeting would be appreciated.

We'll be back in South Florida around the 26th, and when we come back, we'll be busy getting ready to move to another apartment in the area with a bit more room for our happy new addition coming at the end of September.

Life is filled with change, dear ones. There was a time when I longed for life to "slow down" and "get settled." There is no such place if your heart hungers for spiritual maturity and "theosis." If that is truly your heart's desire, then change IS normal. So, now I pray that I will be patient enough and wise enough to see the opportunities for positive transformation in every challenge.

It is only then that one can receive all challenges with joy and hope. Otherwise, the constant onslaught of life makes one bitter, resentful, and spiritually small.

I wish I could report to you that I am succeeding in receiving life in this positive and hopeful way, but alas, I fail as often as I succeed.

The Church, in Her wisdom, offers me a path. It is the path of repentance and prayer. It is the path that leads to humility and "sober joy."

After I return form the trip, I'll give you an update, and I will return to the subject of repentance.

Much love, dear ones.

Pray for this fool.

WHAT DO YOU HUNGER FOR?

A recent study found that “approximately 127 million adults in the U.S. are overweight, 60 million obese, and 9 million severely obese.” (American Obesity Association) This “epidemic” of overweight Americans is a symptom of a deeper poverty.

In the book of Genesis, it was food that got our race into trouble in the first place. The old saying, “you are what you eat,” was meant to reduce a human person to a mechanical engine with skin, but what it really did was reveal something significant about the human soul. We are really an integrated whole being – body, soul and spirit.

It should also come as no surprise to Orthodox Christians that it is also food that communicates to us our very salvation in the Bread and Wine of the Eucharist. As we, the Body of Christ, partake of the Eucharistic banquet, we receive and participate in the Body and Blood of Christ, and more and more become “what we eat.”

Critical to our understanding of this mystery is the power of desire. The wisdom of the Holy Spirit in preserving the discipline of fasting for us as a central part of our Christian faith exposes this very core issue of our own spiritual needs – What are you truly hungry for? When you answer this question in your own soul, you will discover just how serious you are about your faith, about your very salvation.

You will also be more able to confront the second part of this very human dilemma -the power of fear. At the heart of our weaknesses stands the driving force of fear in our lives. Fear makes us a slave to desire and passions. It is precisely the gift of authentic fasting that breaks the power of fear in our hearts by confronting us with our deepest need - the need for God Himself. Fears are tamed, and all earthly desires fade into insignificance if we are consumed with our need for God and His love for us.

Here are three wise principles that the discipline of fasting develops in each of us as we seek to allow the Holy Spirit to form us anew into the image and likeness of Christ.

First, Fasting reveals my TRUE NEED. When I refuse my temporary desires to focus on my spiritual growth, I teach my own soul that my relationship with God is the top priority of my life. The wisdom of the Orthodox faith calls me to reflect on my ultimate need from an eternal perspective. In the busyness of our modern lives we have so many “things” competing for our attention and energy. If we don’t purposefully stop and evaluate our spiritual condition, we will let slip that which is most important in our lives.

Second, Fasting reveals who I TRULY AM. One of the wise purposes of the discipline of fasting is to help me seriously mourn the sinful, twisted, and self-centered misuse of the good things to which I am saying “no” for a short period of time. I get to fast from certain foods so I can finally learn to receive them joyfully, as a gift of God, with thanksgiving rather than petulantly demanding them as my “due.” We live in an age where the spirit of “entitlement” seems to rule the day. Gratitude is a fast-fading virtue in our society, because we have failed to receive even creation and our very food with thanksgiving. When was the last time you said a prayer before and after your meals to first acknowledge that all good gifts come from the Father above? Only pigs run to the trough and feed with no thought for the Source of their food!

Finally, Fasting reveals my TRUE PURPOSE. It is in the spiritual work of preparation for participation in the Eucharist (the very word literally means “Thanksgiving”) that I come to know my eternal purpose and destination. I was made to be the companion of God forever. I was created for communion with my fellow believers and the Holy Trinity. In learning to fast and master my desires I am confronted with the ultimate purpose for my life. And I am called to make my calling a reality by God's grace.

My ultimate purpose is not to accumulate as many creature comforts as possible. It isn’t to achieve some notoriety or fame for this or that accomplishment. It isn’t to collect educational degrees so that I learn all I can about this or that subject. No, my ultimate purpose is to enter into the new life Christ wins for me in His death, burial, and resurrection.

It is the spiritual discipline of true fasting that calls me to a purposeful Orthodox Christian lifestyle and choice. It is in redirecting my desires, confronting my fears, and harnessing their energy for my good that I come to see myself and even God Himself as we were truly meant to be.

Godly Sorrow?

Godly sorrow works repentance, but if you don't make it to Godly sorrow, chances are you are stuck in your spiritual growth process. You are probably languishing in either despondency or apathy, both of which will eventually keep you from spiritual progress and maturity.

Godly sorrow is exactly that- Godly!

One of the greatest obstacles to authentic spiritual progress (and by "progress" I mean a deeper experience of communion and union with the Persons of the Holy Trinity) is Pride. This pride masks itself as "false humility" at times by saying "I'm so far gone, there's no use in trying anymore." That is Pride, dear ones.

Pride always suggests self-sufficiency. Either I don't need anyone else, or I don't want anyone else. Both sicknesses have their seed in Pride.

What is the answer? Brutal honesty! Not brutality toward another, but brutality directed at my own soul. An honesty that says I will no longer hide from the searing Light of Love that demands an unadulterated response, undiluted with self serving agendas and self congratulating desires.

To have Godly sorrow means that I long only for God Himself. St. Paul displayed such love when he told the Romans that he was willing to become a castaway himself if it meant the salvation of his Jewish brethren. St. Paul loved God and his neighbor to the extent that he was willing to forgo his own salvation for their benefit.

How do we develop Godly sorrow?

Well, I don't know.

But if the fathers of the Church can be our guide, I think they would advise us to look to the basic disciplines of the Faith - prayer, fasting, and almsgiving.

Prayer, because corporate and private prayers and worship shape me and reawaken the hunger for God in my soul. The wisdom preserved in the Liturgy and prayers of the Faith are a veritable banquet for the soul to both educate and edify. I learn of His eternal Beauty in His House.

Fasting, because until my physical desires are made subject to my true Hunger and my true Need for God, I will forever be tempted to seek the temporary at the expense of the eternal. Fasting is much more than discipline with food. It is subjugation of the entire body to the work of eternal communion with God. It isn't a denial of anything as much as it is an affirmation of a single thing - Life in Christ!

And Almsgiving, because until I have a right relationship with possessions and "things," I will always be tempted to satisfy my deep longing for God with the shallow and empty false assurances of what I've gathered around me. When I can hold my very life loosely in my hands then I will know how to long for God above all else.

So, how are you doing? Have you yet reached Godly sorrow? Until you do, repentance will be nothing more than "I'm sorry I got caught."

My Eyes A Fountain of Tears

St. Paul told the Corinthians that "godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death." (2 Corinthians 7:10) And this is the next step in reaching sober joy.

After one has admitted his need for spiritual and physical sobriety, one is asked to confront where one is with a full knowledge of where one should be.

That distance, as great as it is, produces "sorrow" or shame or despair. This is a critical crossroads in any spiritual journey because the wrong choice can lead to lethargy and poverty of soul, while another choice leads to joy.

In any spiritual journey you will confront your own spiritual poverty. When this happens, the Enemy of your soul longs to trap you in despair. "What's the use. I'm so far away from Christ, why even try." And at that moment the Enemy wins your soul. He traps you in a pit of despondency, and you lie there wounded, dying, but also self centered. Ultimately, what leads a soul to despair to the point of inaction is PRIDE. "I am such a bad person not even God Himself can rescue me." The sin of pride robs the soul of a sorrow that leads to life and traps that very same soul in a sorrow that leads to paralysis.

But if you choose to sorrow with faith, your sorrow is of a different nature altogether. Here the sorrow is based not on self centered shame but on authentic love of Another. I love God. I long to be with God. I see my own spiritual poverty and I recognize that this poverty is keeping me from my Beloved. Here my sorrow is based on my longing for God and this sorrow leads me to repentance.

We cannot hope for sober joy without first confronting authentic sorrow for the poverty of our soul. But we are at a dangerous intersection of our journey and the Evil One longs to capture us. He will fail if we truly believe that God is good and loving. If we believe that the Father truly longs for we prodigals to return home. If we believe that a generous and loving welcome awaits all those who turn from their rebellion and sin and run home to the Father.

We will confront this sorrowful choice in several places of our lives. As soon as one battle is won, know that many more battles await you, but we can never allow despair. God is for us. Who can be against us.

So, dear ones, let us join the prophet Jeremiah and say "Oh, that my head were waters,And my eyes a fountain of tears..." (Jeremiah 9:1) But let us not sorrow as those who are without hope. God, our loving Lord, will not reject us, ever. Let us pray that our sorrow is not birthed from self centeredness but from a heart that longs for "my Beloved." Let us love God, dear one, for He is truly so lovely.

Come, brothers, weep with me.

Steps to Sobriety

As I said before, the first step in becoming sober and therefore open and available to the grace of God to transfigured you into a Christ-like person is to admit you need sobriety.

While this may sound like the first few lines of an AA brochure (the similarities are striking), it is meant to call us to confront the very first stumbling block to our own healing - our fear of change. Many of us prefer the "devil we know" as opposed to the unknown world of spiritual health. We say we want to be saved. We say we want to be transformed by God's grace, but too many of us either know precious little about what that actually means or are really fooling ourselves.

The truth is I want to be changed as long as it doesn't hurt too much or cost too much or isn't too much trouble. Come on, confess! You feel that way too!

If you've ever tried to break a bad habit then you know how hard it can be to stop doing one thing and start consistently doing another. Some have become so despondent of change that they have concluded its impossible. "A leopard can't change his spots." Others give up and declare that "this must be the way God made me, so I'm OK as I am."

But the scriptures and Holy Tradition are clear that a man can be transformed by God's grace, but that transformation never happens by accident or "magic." It is never enough to say the "sinner's prayer" and then POOF, you're saved. No, it happens in a heart warmed by faith and strengthened by hope. It happens when a man turns to God as his only hope and cries out for mercy. God always answers "Yes!" And this is a continual turning toward God and away from inebriation.

So, my first step in sobriety, toward authentic spiritual healing is the confession "I need help." At that point, your heart is open to receive what you have always needed, grace and mercy from the God Who came Himself to rescue you from sin, death, and Satan.

But this is only the first step. Let's say it now - this process of authentic sobriety and spiritual health will take the rest of your life, but the process is always the same and it always starts with confession of need.

Our God is the ultimate Gentleman - He will only enter where He is invited.

Sober Up!

As the title of this blog states, my desire and I believe the very goal of Orthodox Spirituality is "nepsis" or Sober Joy. Another way of translating this word is "quietness."

Either way, this goal of Orthodox spirituality is defined as moving from the fractured, chaotic, and divided mind of self centeredness to the peaceful, sober, hopeful, and joyful rest of authentic communion with God, the Holy Trinity. This lifetime work, this lifetime struggle, this lifetime journey is infused throughout the Divine Liturgy, the cycle of prayers, the rhythm of fasting and feasting, and the mindset of Orthodox Christianity. The whole of salvation is summed up in the words of St. Seraphim of Sarov when he instructed a seeker to "acquire the Holy Spirit."

So, what is it about acquiring the Holy Spirit that produces the spiritual sobriety necessary to be in authentic communion with God?

First, we must admit to our lack of sobriety. We live in an age where intoxicants come at us from all sides. Our own woundedness feeds this desire for the oblivion of intoxication. Our pain, our fears, our brokenness, all feed this temptation to escape from reality into an illusion of numbness. But this intoxication, whether from chemicals, ego, or even religion, always lies to us. In the end our lack of sobriety actually feeds the very pain, fear, and ego we were trying to escape.

This is why the Church is such a shock to those who hunger and thirst for righteousness. The Church, the Faith, the Tradition of Orthodoxy all call me to sobriety, to face reality, to confront my pain, to admit my fears, to confess my ego. But this is nothing less than the path to salvation, albeit a terrifying path.

Though terrifying, it is actually the only way for me to escape from the debilitating effects of a life numbed by the intoxicants of a fallen world. I will not be able to come into the unfiltered Presence of the God Who made the universe if I have never sobered up. I will HATE His Presence. It will torment me. Just like a drunk can't stand loud noises or bright lights, so I will be miserable in God's Presence because I came to Him stupified by the lies of my own sufficiency.

The Church calls me to cry out "Lord, have mercy." Not in some pagan attempt to dissuade the wrath of an angry father, but to constantly say to my own soul "Sober up!" Stay Awake to your need for mercy. Don't let the temporary lies of intoxication rob you of the eternal joys of communion with God!

In the next few posts I want to explore the path to sobriety the Church provides for me. As with any inebriated soul, this process will be painful, but that pain is both temporary and nothing to be compared to the joy of a sober gaze into the Face of a loving Lord.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, the sinner.

God Ain't Got No Grandchildren

Sincere and fervent faith is always one generation away from being extinguished in a community.

That's because we live in a world where it is easy to lead self centered lives and difficult to lead purposeful Christian lives.

As M. Scott Peck said in his famous Road Less Traveled: "Life is difficult."

This is precisely why I am increasingly convinced that the Orthodox shorthand of Cradle Orthodox and Convert Orthodox is counter productive. The very real truth is that we are all Converts and that's as it should be.

The Orthodox Church teaches us that, like the Israel of the Old Covenant, we Christians are the spiritual Israel of God, and that means our calling, our destiny, is to be a kingdom of priests so the whole world will be blessed. This divine calling and identity is not meant to make us feel proud or somehow superior to others, but to call us to a deeper sense of mission and responsibility to our world. Like Israel of old, we are to be an example to the whole world to show them what a "new community" led and nurtured by God's grace and mercy looks like.

But, like Israel of old, we too are tempted to forget that this special calling is not some kind of guarantee to us regardless of our behavior or our fidelity to God Himself. Like Israel, if we forget our primary mission, our reason for existence, we will be replaced. St. Paul warned the Romans that "If some of the branches have been broken off, and you, though a wild olive shoot, have been grafted in among the others and now share in the nourishing sap from the olive root, do not boast over those branches. If you do, consider this: You do not support the root, but the root supports you." (Romans 11:17, 18).

We Orthodox must continue to challenge each other to a life of faithfulness. We cannot allow any of our brethren to foolishly believe that a simple accident of birth or some ethnic connection makes us truly Orthodox faithful.

No, we each must continuously make the blessings of our baptism real in our lives today. We cannot "inherit" faithfulness. We can only inherit the great benefit of a spiritual "head start." But that very blessing should make us all the more committed to share this blessing with those not fortunate enough to have an Orthodox beginning.

So, God doesn't have any grandchildren. Our faith demands fidelity from generation to generation, and then to extend that blessing of being a Kingdom of priests to the whole world. So, in the end, we are truly all Converts every day our lives.

Sinner in the Hands of a Loving God - A Diversion

Below is an article I wrote recently for an internet publication. I feel strongly about this particular theological difference between the East and the West and wanted to share it with my current readers. I will be interested in your comments.

SINNERS IN THE HANDS OF A LOVING GOD

What if freedom were worse than punishment? What if love was more fearful than hatred? These seeming paradoxical statements accurately reflect the perspective of our Orthodox faith on heaven and hell, eternal life and eternal damnation.

The Orthodox perspective on God's judgment and our eternal destiny, whether heaven or hell, uniquely preserves the biblical teaching that all humanity is created in God's image and is meant to be with God forever. The Church through the ages has preserved and declared a truth that seems to be a paradox: God made us free, free to choose Him or reject Him – AND He loves us forever, regardless of our choice.

But how can we say God loves all of us equally when we know the Church teaches that some of humanity will really spend eternity in hell? Isn't God angry with those people who reject Him? Don't our sins offend God and earn His wrath?

The startling truth is that our behavior has no power over God; it does not disturb His eternal peace. God is always at peace, and He is always loving. Your obedience does not “please” Him and your disobedience does not “offend” Him. He is eternally free from passions and loves you unconditionally. The question of your eternal salvation lies in how you will respond to this eternal Love. Do you embrace it with joy, or do you writhe in torment in the loving embrace of God?

In light of this Orthodox understanding, how are we Orthodox supposed to understand Paradise and Hell? I believe there are three foundational truths that must under gird our Orthodox Christian understanding.

First, God is FREE. The paganism of ancient Greek philosophy taught that matter was eternal, and the gods were bound by “necessity” to act in certain ways. The gods of our pagan past were not free. They were slaves to “necessity.” But the Orthodox understanding about God, the Trinity, is entirely different. God is free. He is not bound by tragic necessity. He forgives the sinner unconditionally. Since God is essentially and foundationally free, He is not forced to punish or reward. In fact, the Last Judgment is not about punishments or rewards at all. It is about revealing in the Light of God’s eternal presence who we really are at our very core.

Second, Humanity is FREE. We were created, all of us, in God’s image, and God has given us His freedom. Since He is not enslaved to any “necessity,” we are also free from any sort of determinism, of fate. Adam’s sin did not make us all “guilty” of wrongdoing as much at his rebellion passed on to us our fatal handicap of mortality, which tempts us to dominate others and deny God in our attempt to escape death by our own power. Christ comes to deliver us, not from sin, but from the consequence of sin – from that death that we can never escape by ourselves. At the Common Resurrection we will all be raised, good and evil, holy and unholy, righteous and unrighteous, and come face to face with the loving God. We will abide throughout eternity with our free choice to either love God and want Him above all else or our free choice to live self-centered, rebellious lives. Either way, we will not escape the consequences of our free choice.

Finally, God’s love is FIRE. Hebrews 12:28, 29 says “since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. For our God is a consuming fire.” Coming into God’s uncreated Presence should cause us to seriously re-evaluate our own lives, our attitudes, and our actions. There will come a day when He will no longer mercifully shield us from the full, blazing radiance of His uncreated Presence.

This is what St. John meant when he said that, at the Second Coming, some will beg the mountains to fall on them to hide them from Christ the Lamb (see Revelation 6:12-17). This fire of God’s love warms the man who loves God and torments the man who rejects God. But we’ve always known what fire does. Fire purifies gold and consumes wood. It softens wax and hardens clay. The fire of God’s unconditional love does the same for a man – it either purifies him or torments him, and it either softens him or hardens him. What that man is made of – what he has made of himself – determines the effect of the fire of God’s love.

We live in a modern world where people either believe that God is nothing more than a senile grandfatherly figure, easily swayed with sentiment, or a Divine Terrorist dangling souls over the pit of hell to guilt or shame men into proper behavior. The truth is both more awesome and more terrible. God is a loving Lord Who will not diminish Himself to accommodate our weakness. Rather, He invites all of us to be transformed by His loving grace into a person who can live joy filled lives in the fire of His uncreated Presence. This invitation is extended to us here and now. How will you answer?

Convert/Cradle - An Orthodox Life

Recently, I've thought a lot about the verbiage we use to talk about the faithful in the Orthodox Church. For those raised in the church their whole lives, who have come from generations of Orthodox Christians, we call them "Cradle Orthodox."

For those who have discovered Orthodoxy later in life, who many times come from other Christian confessions and many times have a strong formation in other Christian groups, we call them "Convert Orthodox."

This is a handy way to talk about the cultural challenges that face each group. On one hand a "Cradle Orthodox" might be terrified by an influx of people into his parish from a different ethnic background precisely because he fears loosing something precious in his background. This "Cradle Orthodox" comes from centuries of formation and many times his religious understanding of the Orthodox faith is inextricably tied up with his cultural formation. For many "Cradle Orthodox" to be Greek or Russian or Romanian or Serbian IS to be Orthodox.

A "Convert Orthodox" however, would look at this in bewilderment. He has been shaped by a religious experience that says his faith is not so much tied to an accident of birth as to a free and conscious choice to follow a faith. He is amazed that a "Cradle Orthodox" knows so little about the faith he was born into. Many times this "Convert Orthodox" has paid a high social price (sometimes, in the case of former pastors who convert to Orthodoxy, they have also lost jobs and retirement benefits) to embrace what they have discovered as the "faith once for all delivered to the saints."

The "Cradle" sees his self identity wrapped up in this ethnic identity which includes a religious affiliation.

The "Convert" has little if any ethnic identity at all, and certainly doesn't see his self identity shaped by any ethnic ties. If there are any ethnic ties, they will be subordinate to his religious fervor and commitment to his church.

This necessarily sets up an interesting clash of civilizations within the Orthodox Church here in America.

This is a country where a melting pot of ethnic backgrounds are all thrown together. For 200+ years we have experimented with building a nation where a person is identified as an American but may come from a variety of ethnic backgrounds. The national motto of the country is the Latin "E Plurabus Unum"- Out of the Many, One.

Having set this up, I want my next post to deal with what I hope to be an ongoing conversation about the very nature of Orthodox identity, an identity that goes beyond any ethnic heritage, while not dismissing the beauty and value of a heritage where Orthodoxy shaped an entire nation.

But, as my grandma says, God ain't got no grandchildren!

Pop Goes Religion

Here's the most recent Come Receive The Light program that talks about a new book by Orthodox journalist, Terry Mattingly.

CRTL

One of my major desires is to see our Orthodox faith tackle American culture, not just to condemn the weaknesses of our culture, but to seek out that which can be "baptized" by the faith and used to draw the average American to the fullness of Orthodoxy.

One point of contact that seems to be a natural connection with Orthodoxy is Southern culture. Being a Southerner, I find so many parallels between the Orthodox mindset and my Southern upbringing. Some of these parallels are good and some of them are weaknesses. I think of the unthinking xenophobia all too common in both cultural expressions as one of the common characteristics of Southern culture and Orthodoxy.

Next post I want to talk about the whole concept of Cradle/Convert in Orthodox Christianity.

King of the Hill and the Pew Situation

Well, sometimes popular culture makes your point for you.

A recent King of the Hill TV episode illustrates what happens when well intentioned people and the good intention of reaching people where they are with the Faith, just misses by a mile!

Look at this clip where Hank Hill and his family go looking for a new church to attend.

This is the world I converted from when I entered Orthodoxy.

But the success of these "mega churches" begs the question: Is there ANYTHING we Orthodox can learn from their experience?

One Flew Over The Onion Dome

Well, I've just finished Fr. Joseph Huneycutt's newest book "One Flew Over The Onion Dome" published by Regina Orthodox Press.

Fr. Joseph writes about American Orthodox Converts, Retreads, and Reverts. Converts are obvious, but Retreads? I found out that Retreads are Convert clergy who become Orthodox clergy - an apt description - Retreads.

Anyway, the book comes at a time when more and more people are talking about the inevitable culture clash between the growing number of American converts to Orthodoxy and the culture of Cradle Orthodox.

It is a good book to start this conversation and to encourage us all to make sure the conversation stays humble, honest, and loving.

In the end, it is important to remember that conversion, whether for those just coming to Orthodoxy or those who've lived in an Orthodox culture all their lives, is difficult. It's hard work. Anybody who tells you different is trying to sell you something.

But this hard work is good. Over and over again, the struggles of conversion invite me to an honest look into my own heart. Over and over again, I am invited by the Holy Spirit to examine my motives, scrutinize my attitudes, and honestly confront my own self centeredness.

Or, I ignore the gentle tug of the Spirit and sink further into my own pride.

Either way, the crossroads the Spirit leads me to are always filled with import and danger. "Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from the evil one."

May God, the blessed and life-giving Trinity, grant us the courage to understand that the "kingdom of God suffers violence and the violent take it by force." Let us be willing to suffer violence and NEVER return violence to anyone.

Xeni UNITE!

This from a newslist today:

I saw this movie on Al's recommendation. What impressed me most about it was that the filmmakers managed to provide insights into the feelings and actions of both sides. Aside from the violence, which was unavoidable, the only thing that I found truly offensive about it was the continual use of the word "God" in translations from Arabic into English.

But the film got me thinking about other things, especially after a conversation with two friends who were received into the Church eight years ago, and who have now decided that they just can't take it any more. Their reasons: 1) "ethnic" orthodoxy; 2) contempt for converts; 3) ecclesiology; and 4) theological revisionism.

As I was talking to my friends, I found myself thinking about the film, and about the "differences" that set people against each other. The fanatics in "United 93" belonged to a religion which I do not find appealing, but even it may have its virtues. It seems to be, for example, almost completely "colour-blind".

Even its emphasis on the Arabic language seems to have the effect of dampening the kind of destructive ethnic pride that is our besetting sin. It appears that muslims will accept without hesitation just about anyone who shares their faith. I have never encountered a muslim who thinks that some people are, in a word, sub-human. Sadly, I cannot say this about putative Orthodox Christians, and it is, in part, encounters with some of these types while travelling in Europe, that have made my
friends give up on Orthodoxy.

Then there is ecclesiology. How many cities can each of us name that have in them half a dozen "Orthodox" Bishops? And things get really exciting if we count the "non-canonical" Orthodox, the newly-rehabilitated monophysites, etc., etc. We are a scandalous visible contradiction of our own ecclesiology.

Theological revisionism? Well, you all know what I mean - for example, several regular posters here have unburdened themselves at length about the new-age theology that seems to percolate ever more fragrantly at SVOTS. Even the Ecumenical Councils can now be whitewashed into revisionist irrelevance, if this might help to serve the cause of superficial ecumenism. Am I the only one who has noticed that we even
have one lurker here who waits for opportunities to take shots, however oblique, at the Council of Chalcedon? And who can blame him? We might as well have issued printed invitations.

I have now lumbered on for six paragraphs without even mentioning scandals, the sad business in the OCA being only the most recent. These usually are even more "scandalous" than they need to be because of the inept and amoral ways in which they are dealt with.

So why do I remain Orthodox? I have a certain affection for my ethnic background, but this is entirely incidental to my commitment to the faith (except when someone attacks my ethnicity from a belief that I am not fully human) and not enough to keep me in the Church.

My friends will probably end up in the great Roman family. Despite its faults, it is also, at least, pledged to the full dignity and equality of all human beings. I am beginning to see its appeal..........

So, the question is how can converts survive long term in an ethnocentric parish?

Your thoughts

The Hard Work of Communion

This past weekend I attended at Divine Liturgy at a parish where 95% of the service was in English. It was a welcomed change.

But, as I've said before, if you mistake my recent struggles with an ethno-centric Orthodoxy as based on language only, you'd be mistaken.

My greatest struggles are internal. How does one deal spiritually and emotionally with feelings of alienation and disconnection? What is it like to live as a "foreigner" or "stranger" in the midst of a place that was supposed to be "home."

Believe it or not, I have no illusions of asking those around me to change the way they have always done things to make me feel more comfortable. Hey, I'm arrogant, but not THAT arrogant.

No, in fact I am coming to see this sense of being a "stranger" or "foreigner" as a spiritual gift. It is another way for my own spiritual journey to enter more deeply into the sufferings of Christ. After all "He came unto His own and His own did not receive Him." He was a "stranger" and "foreigner" in His own world.

So, how does this sense of being a "stranger" help me in my own struggle to enter into being Christ-like?

First, being the "stranger" calls me to humility and repentance. As much as I insist that my struggle is for authentic evangelism to the general population around us, I must confess that some (perhaps most) of my dis-ease stems from my own desire for comfort and the familiar. This self-centered attitude MUST die within me if I am ever to know "sober joy." As a stranger, I am invited to confront my own spiritual poverty and repent.

Second, being a "stranger" calls me to identify with other "strangers." Now in my own sense of being a Stranger I can relate to others who feel alienated and cut off. Now my desire for evangelism can be purified from the shame inducing tirades of accusation against others to an authentic compassion for others that transforms me. As a stranger, I can now reach out to other strangers and invite them to know true "philanthropia."

Finally, being a "stranger" calls me to Christ Himself. Jesus knows what it is like to be rejected by His own. He knows what it is like to look out over the city of Jerusalem and lamenting that He would have gathered them unto Himself, but they "would not." As a stranger, I am now invited to join another Stranger and learn to do the hard work of communion.

Being a stranger in a place I thought was home is hard. The fact is that Orthodoxy is my home, but I am now entering deeper into the grief of my own conversion and naming this as grief. But that's what we humans were created to do. God brought all the animals to Adam to see what Adam would name them, and we too, are called to name the poverty, pain, woundedness, of our own souls so that, in naming them, we can overcome them with the love of Jesus Christ.

I am embracing (with tears) my own sense of being a stranger in a place I thought was home, and in doing so, I am learning about my own weaknesses and wounds, and, by God's grace, I am confronting my further need for repentance and healing.

It is "good" to be a stranger. It's just not pleasant.

Birds of a Feather

Since my last post, some may get the impression that my trouble with an ethnic centered Orthodox parish is based on language, and nothing could be further from the truth.

But language is just a symptom of a deeper struggle in an Orthodox parish.

And that struggle is the same struggle being played out in our nation over immigration - the struggle of assimilation.

But in a parish setting, the struggle moves to a deeper challenge from a doctrinal position.

The fact is, we Christians are called to reproduce ourselves through authentic discipleship and evangelism. The Commission of the Church is to bring Christ to every "ethnos" around the world (Matthew 28:19).

No bishop or priest I have ever spoken to about this denies this or even attempts to explain this away. They all agree that this is a spiritual task of the Church, but how do we do this?

Well, let me say right off that I truly understand the desire of many to have religiously familiar worship. It makes sense to me for Greek immigrants to want to preserve something familiar in a strange country. It makes sense to me for a Russian immigrant to America to at least have one place in a community that reminds him of the home he loves. This makes sense to me. It also makes sense form a sociological standpoint. People naturally group together with others like themselves.

Hey, its the very basis for my own struggle as a convert to Orthodoxy. I miss the familiar around me. I miss not being around people like me. But I value the theology of Orthodoxy over my own comfort. I value Orthodox theology because I am convinced Orthodoxy has preserved the fullness of the Christian witness for America, but along with that theology comes an "ethnic" package that is a stumbling block to the "catholic" message of the faith.

From a sociological position, people want to be with others like themselves, but the Gospel calls us to a radical viewpoint, and that is the healing of those things that divide humanity. The vision of St. John in the Revelation was one of all believers gathered before the Throne of the Lamb from every kindred, tribe, and tongue.

This isn't just happening here. The Russian Church is struggling with the same issue in England. See www.dioceseinfo.org

To be sure, while we are here on this side of Eternity, we struggle with the ramifications of the Gospel, but it should be at least a value in our hearts and minds.

Besides, is the Orthodox Church truly fulfilling its call to be the Body of Christ here in America if it continues to either ignore or to marginalize the vast majority of the population?

I'm not sure I have any answers about this, but I do know that my heart breaks for the Americans who wander lost in a spiritual sea of religious confusion when all the while the Orthodox Christian faith holds the remedy for their lostness. Is there any Orthodox Christian leaders out there who weep for lost America?

Come Over And Help Us

As I said at the beginning of this blog, I wanted to explore the plight of converts to the Orthodox Christian faith.

My previous posts have been a glimpse into my own struggle with some issues of a convert with literally no ethnic connection to any Eastern Orthodox groups coming into a community where the conversation has been going on for centuries.

I wanted to first start by examining my own soul. Usually when I am confronted with this kind of struggle, its roots are in my own spiritual poverty, so that's where I have found I must begin if I am going to work through a spiritual struggle. King David prayed that God would search his heart to see if there be any wicked way in him.

It is this willingness to begin first with my own spiritual poverty that helps protect any struggle from a prideful and self centered trap that leads to resentment and self righteousness.

To be sure, it is not guarantee that this trap will be avoided, but it is a good beginning.

Now that that is said, I confess that my current struggles have to do with the sense of being a stranger in my own church. Having converted to Orthodoxy after a lengthy spiritual journey, I (foolishly) thought I had dealt with the possibility of confronting a heavily "ethnic" mindset within Orthodox churches here in America. I was wrong.

This "ethnic" mentality has exhausted me of late and I am currently assessing my own spiritual strength. I am not wondering about Orthodoxy at all. I will leave the Orthodox Church half an hour after the Ecumenical Patriarch leaves the Church! But I am wearied of being "xenos" among a people who seem to have little sense about how to do anything other than be "ethnic" and preserve their "ethnicity."

My prayer is that there will finally be a bishop who has a vision as St. Paul did of the Macedonian calling out "Come over to Macedonia and help us!" (Acts 16:9)

Maybe a Southern bubba stepping out of his pick-up and calling out "Come and help us, y'all!"

I am convinced that Americans are spiritually hungry for the theological depth of Orthodoxy, but can they ever have access to this abundant spiritual banquet if there is no sense of urgency to help them make the journey?

Honesty Is The Best Policy

First, thanks for all the folks who've stopped by to offer comments and well wishes.

I guess I titled my last post "Stranger in a Strange Land" for several reasons, not the least of which when it comes to authentic honesty about my own soul, I tend to do what many do - either ignore my own spiritual poverty, or excuse it with rationalizations.

But that's not the goal I tell myself is most important to me. My goal I like to think I have is to be an authentic, honest, Orthodox Christian. The goal I like to think I have is to actually be prepared to stand before Christ at that "awesome judgment seat" and have a right answer. That's what I'd like to think, but my behavior too many times betrays my "good intentions" with the reality of my life.

The fact is the faith gives me the Good News that there is no longer a need for me to be a slave to my passions and my weaknesses. Christ has defeated sin, death, and Satan. I don't have to obey the lusts of the flesh and the "pride of life" anymore. I can be free to become what I was created to become - an eternal companion with the Uncreated God Who means me no harm and loves me more than I, myself, know how to love.

But this Good News comes with Bad News as well. If I choose, in my freedom, to continue to be enslaved by my passions and spiritual poverty, I am promised that God will not diminish Himself or shade me from His eternal glory to accommodate my lack of ability to stand in the Uncreated Light of His presence.

God has poured out His eternal grace and mercy on this world and preserved in His Church all the wisdom any person will ever need to prepare for that awesome Day. He has even given humanity His Holy Spirit to guide His Church "into all truth." This abundant treasury of mercy and grace is lavished on every person at all times and in every place. My only act is the purposeful choice to embrace and be embraced by this mercy and grace. God will never turn me away. He will never reject me. He will never refuse me His forgiveness and love. In fact, He will continue to love me unconditionally even if I reject Him.

Now comes the greatest challenge of all, what am I to do with this unconditional and terrifying mercy? What excuse will I have on that Day? What am I to do?

Ah, we come back to the timeless wisdom of the Orthodox faith - repentance is my beginning, my practice, and my purpose. To learn how to repent without shame or without guilt, this is the work at hand.

No wonder the Church teaches me to cry out "Lord, have mercy" knowing full well He will certainly have mercy. The only question left up in the air is will I receive it?

Stranger in a Strange Land

Let's start with reality, shall we? I find reality to be the most difficult conclusion since it requires a level of honesty rarely associated with we humans. We are too willing to be self-deluded. We prefer the fantasy of our own sophistication or worse our own weakness.

This preferred mindset leads to all kinds of unhealthy habits and conflict. We confuse co-dependency with communion. We settle for accommodation to mediocrity rather than continue doing the hard work of excellence. We allow the compromises of life to stupefy us into a delusion of existence rather than honestly confessing our own need for authentic life.

This self-delusion can sometimes be named a virtue. We arrogantly insist that our willingness to compromise and to "get along" are actually signs of spiritual maturity and humility, all the while perpetuating a "status quo" that institutionalizes our own poverty of soul.

To be sure, humility and compromise are necessary if we are to ever build consensus and cooperation. But these good goals should never be used to further dishonesty or delusion. It should also never be used as an excuse not to boldly do the right thing regardless of the popularity of that act.

How does one find the balance necessary to avoid delusion and yet be gracious and humble? I think the first step is repentance.

Metanoia, the Greek word translated as "repentance", first asks us to "change our minds." In other words, we begin this process of honesty with ourselves. I can't change another's mind. That work begins with me alone. So, my own thinking, my own mindset, my own perspective must first survive the honest scrutiny of a divine light. King David rightly began saying "search me, O God, and know my heart." It is this humble willingness to begin with myself that frees me from the delusion of thinking all we need is for everyone to see things our way to set all matters right.

Beginning with myself. That is where the death of delusion begins.

Welcome to Sober Joy

The title of my blog actually comes from a Greek word - nepsis. It literally means "sober joy." Many of the fathers of Eastern Orthodox Christianity say that this state of sober joy is the goal of mature spirituality, and it is my fervent desire.

So this little corner of the blogosphere is meant to be a place where I work toward this goal, and maybe get some help and comments from you, weary blogger.

A little bit about myself. I am a former Pentecostal pastor who converted to Eastern Orthodox Christianity in November of 2001 along with about 20 families from the church I had pastored in Atlanta, GA. I have a theology degree from an Evangelical Protestant school, and actually spent some years working in the Evangelical Protestant media ministries as well as pastoring. I am even a member of NRB (the National Religious Broadcasters).

I want this blog to focus on my current obsessions. Here they are in order of my strongest addictions:

Religion (Eastern Orthodoxy specifically)
Politics (the crunchy conservative kind)
Culture (I'm American by birth, but Southern by the Grace of God!)

Currently I am struggling with the plight of converts to Orthodox Christianity. Many come to Orthodoxy with little to no cultural connection to the faith, so we enter into a group whose conversation has already been going on for centuries. How do we catch up? Should we even try? Is there a place for us in this conversation? How do we deal with the feelings of frustration of feeling like an outsider? Just a few questions I'm currently thinking about.

In any event, Southern hospitality is legendary, so I want to hold up my end. Welcome, dear friend. Come in. Please join the others in the sitting room. I'll be in with some sweet tea and snacks in just a minute.